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Thursday, 28 February 2008
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I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!
Friday, 13 January 2006
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10 months led up to 4 days and 4 days felt like an eternity cut short.
Everything that I had desired for that length of time was in my hands and I could hold it and nurture it. It was an almost divine feeling that somehow made me wonder what things would have been like if I had tried this sooner.
I don't doubt that at one point in our relationship I could've had a thousand stars worth of beauty in my life. I don't doubt that she's worth every last ounce of effort. My only doubt comes from the problems that I spawned for myself in the relationship. Don't get me wrong, this isn't an issue that will come up in the future -- it is something I did, dealt with and have absolved myself from.
Sadly, I gave in to temptations and caused a broken trust in the process. I don't know what if anything I could ever do to eventually gain trust again. I remember the days I used to talk to Xanga like it was a person hah...
Xanga,
I really, truly love her. There is not a thing in this world that I would not do if it could absolve everything that I did wrong in this relationship. The only thing I can't do is move a mountain but I can move from this one.
What is it that I need to do? How did I find this strength to keep trying when it all seemed so bleak? I think I found my own answer... I love her. The love is such a pure form that no external temptation could truly interrupt it. In fact, satiating the temptation just to taper it off felt like nothing emotionally.
My feelings are shown, were shown and have not wavered for a second in all the time that I was with her. Sure, it was questioned, but the answer was always clear -- "go for it" my cricket said. My subconscious feelings saved me from falling entirely to the wayside though I've meandered before.
I want to win her back and though it might be too late, I can't help myself but to try.
Tyler
[EDIT]
I found this on a very special Xanga...
"
For those who love has found, never let it go."Trust me, baby, I'm going to hold on as long as you let me.
[/EDIT]
Thursday, 17 November 2005
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Currently Listening
The Cure - Greatest Hits
By The Cure
Friday,I'm in Love
see related25 Thoughts for the Moment:
- That 70's Show is awesome
- But I haven't watched it in like months...
- I tend to forget when primetime shows come on only because I hardly watch them
- I'm usually playing a game or reading stuff online
- I wrapped Christmas presents today
- Yes, I'm one of those weird men that actually knows how to wrap boxes
- But I can't wrap anything round... it's kinda funny when I try
- I finally remembered how to finish the solitaire game that Daisie gave me
- Then I had to go on the road and build a school network from a box of parts and sweat
- The sweat didn't help much
- Stacked is a sad attempt at resurrecting Pamela Anderson's career
- I had to use one of my birthday bandaids today
- I feel so manly wearing a Batman bandaid
- Today I remembered something from when I was little... everyday after school my grandparents would take me across the street to McD's for french fries, I think that's why I never go there anymore
- I just thought I had to throw that in since I basically refuse to eat there now
- That only came up because I was trying to find someplace to have lunch today and all I saw on the street were McD's... I drove 10 minutes just to have a chicken sandwich at Burger King
- I miss my Oakley glasses
they were stolen the second day I had my car...
- I think they made my vision a little blurry though
- But most of that went away after a few weeks, I didn't really notice until I tried to read a book
- I wish I could get MSN Messenger on my phone
- Couldn't think of another 25 thoughts atm because I'm listening to the Cure's Greatest Hits and it's getting catchy all over again
- It saddens me how many of their songs have been remade... the only one I thought was worth anything was when 311 did Love Song
- I don't know which version I like better but I think that defaults to the Cure
- The night sky is beautiful... < sniffle >
- Hm... lol
Tuesday, 15 November 2005
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Currently Listening
What I Go to School for (Limited Edition
By Busted
Losing You
see relatedsitting here alone thinking it through
trying to convince myself that im not losing you
why cant you just forget the things i said?
i was angry at the time but now i've cleared my head.
it was so strong, where did it all go wrong?
chorus:
so tell me why....
im swimming against the tide
and im praying for a lifeline
cos im losing you
so tell me why
you dont care enough to try
are you giving up this fight
i cant stand, wont stand losing you.
you dont have to say a word its in your eyes
what can i do to convince you we need more time?
and i know i may have made a few mistakes
but losing you is just too much for me to take
it was so strong, where did it all go wrong?
so tell me why....
im swimming against the tide
and im praying for a lifeline
cos im losing you
so tell me why
you dont care enough to try
are you giving up this fight
i cant stand, wont stand losing you.
so tell me what to say
because i need a chance to change
and i wont let you walk away
so tell me why....
im swimming against the tide
and im praying for a lifeline
cos im losing you
so tell me why
you dont care enough to try
are you giving up this fight
i cant stand, wont stand losing you.For those of you that don't know, Busted is a UK pop/rock group. I'm not so into the pop thing but they mix it just right where I like their music. Anyone remember the Chappelle skit with David Mayer where they "proved" that white people react better to electric guitars? Well, that's irrelevant, nevermind lol... you have to watch the skit to understand.
Anyway, today was really long and painful. I've been getting back into a stretching routine at nights and it's burning like a biznitch. That's what I get for being on my ass for months... but then again, that wasn't my fault
.Did a massive network overhaul for the Department of Education. They're doing an afterschool program for the kids that will need brand new network stuff put in. Guess who got elected to do it? I swear they don't pay me enough to do this shit. Experience is experience I suppose.
For the record, I hate those round stick-on mirrors that they use for large vehicles and vans. I almost cleaned out a trash can reversing the company passenger van. I don't think I'm even supposed to be driving it. It looks like it holds 15+ people...
I'll probably do another 50 thoughts tonight... gonna blow stuff up in CoH right now...
Monday, 14 November 2005
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Currently Watching
Chappelle's Show - Season 2
By Dave Chappelle
see related
1) what time are you starting this?: 4pm HST
2) Name?: Tyler
3) Date of birth?: November 11, 1984
4) Sex?: Maale
5) height?: 6'
6) Eye color?: Hazelish or so I'm told
7) Hair color?: Dark dark dark dark brown
8) Location?: Honolulu, Hawaii
9) Where were you born?: Hilo, Hawaii
10) Are you a virgin?: No
11) Do you have a crush on someone?: If a boyfriend dating his girlfriend can still have a crush on her even though they're already going out... yes
12) Do you have a bf/gf?: Yup
13) How long have you been together?: 11 months, more like 10 officially
14) what are you wearing right now?: Dark grey cargo shorts and a bluish cut sleeve shirt
15) Would you have sex before marriage?: Already done
16) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: Everyone has those when they're little
17) Do you smoke?: No
18) Do you drink?: Rarely
19) Are you ghetto?: Um... if I was, would I be using Xanga? Well bad point, I've seen some sites out there... no I'm not
20) Are you a player?: Nope
21) Favorite colors?: I like blues and most soft colors
22) Favorite animal?: I love dogs
23) Do you have birthmarks?: Yeah
24) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: By some white wash at Waimanalo Bay
25) Who is your best friend?: My girlfriend
yes, it does happen that way
26) Have you ever beaten someone up?: Yes
27) Have you ever been slapped?: Sort of
28) Do you go online a lot?: This should be reworded to "Do you go home a lot?"
29) Are you shy or outgoing?: A little bit of both, take me somewhere and I'm happy to be there
30) Do you shower?: Wtf kind of question is this, of course I do
31) Do you hate skool?: Seeing how this quiz spells SCHOOL I can understand why this question is on here... for the most part I didn't like school. It does give you something to do but it also limits your life as to what you can choose to do
32) Do you have a social life?: Depends what you call social. I can be very social given the place to do it but otherwise I keep to myself mostly
33) How easily do you trust people?: An example of the person would be nice... a lot of times I get a feel for them and give the trust where it's earned or if I really feel comfortable.
34) have you ever lied to your best friends?: With old best friends, yes, but they were never really big lies... more like "No, I'm busy tonight [I don't want to hang out with you]"
35) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: I probably do but it's not on the tip of my tongue or anything... I like puppies?
36) Would you ever sky dive?: I doubt it. Land and sea, baby.
37) Have you ever been out of state?: Yup
38) Do you like to travel?: Definitely, the feeling of new places is like a subtle elation
39) Have you ever been suspended?: Nope
40) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Already did
41) Are you spoiled?: Sort of
42) Are you a bitch?: I can be but I tend to be quite mellow
43) Have you ever been dumped?: Yes
44) What is your favorite pop?: omg you called it pop!! < points > Sprite or 7-Up
45) Do you like snapple?: Not really, some flavors are good, others are nasty... depends
46) Do you drink lots of water?: Tons and tons... okay well I guess that should be gallons and gallons
47) What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate with Whitening atm, but I change toothpastes all the time, it's never good to stick to one type for long, the bacteria develop immunities after a time unless they're eradicated by lovely alcohol. No, I mean Listerene you drunkard!
48) Do you have a cell or pager?: Motorola V710
49) Do you have a curfew?: lol... not since intermediate school
50) Who do you look up to?: Revolutionaries, doesn't matter so much which one in particular, just the fact that someone out there is willing to fight and die for what they believe in. I'll admit I'm probably too afraid to go that far, I'll die for friends and family, but probably not a cause.
51) Are you a role model?: I can be, yes
52) What name brand do you wear the most?: I don't believe in name brands, those things are evil. But to be honest, you have to think of it this way... the brand of clothes you wear the most is probably your underwear so... Fruit of the Loom tyvm.
53) What jewelry are you wearing right now?: I have my Fossil Chameleon on right now, it goes from a deep blue to a faded green when you press the button.
54) What do you have pierced?: Nothing
55) Do you like to take pics?: Yes
56) Do you like getting your pic taken?: I guess, I won't run from a camera
57) Do you have a tan?: Yeah, more natural than anything else though
58) Do you get annoyed easily?: Depends on who and how they're getting annoying
59) Have you ever started a rumor?: Probably did once or twice but I don't remember
60) Do you have you own phone line?: I have my own phone service
61) Do you have you own pool?: Belongs to the complex, but yeah
62) Siblings?: One of each
63) Boxers or briefs?: Boxerbriefs
64) Have your ever been played?: No
65) Do you get along with you parents?: Now I do
66) How do you vent your anger?: Violent video games and lots of screaming... well at least the first part. I let go of anger pretty quick
67) Have you ever ran away?: Sort of
68) Have you been fired from a job?: No
69) Do you have a job?: CompUSA Field Services Administrator
70) Do you daydream a lot?: No
71) Do you talk constantly?: I have been known to not stop sometimes
72) What do you want a tatoo of?: An armband
73) What do you have a tatoo of?: Nadda
74) What are your favorite flowers?: Gardenias are ugly but they smell pretty, for looks sake, fire and ice roses are pretty
75) Wut does your ex look like?: ... What, you mean? I'd rather not talk about it, she's gone, I moved on and found the love of my life < waves > Hiya beautiful
76) What does your most recent crush look like?: Maybe I'll post her picture here if I can get her to let me
77) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Sunday afternoon, yesterday I guess
78) Are you rude?: Not usually, it happens
79) What was the last compliment you recieved?: Nice shoes (some random guy at work, I had my black Vans on)
80) Is your belly button an innie or outtie?: Innie... outties are disgusting imo
81) what is your heritage?: Uh... here goes: Hawaiian, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish, German, Filipino and Eskimo
82) What does your hair look like right now?: Short on the sides and in the back, longer on the top with little spikie-ish things...
83) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: Dear God, I'm sorry for eating your animals, thank you for the food, Amen.
84) When was your last real heartbreak?: I'm a believer in the theory that you can't have a heartbreak till you've lost the love of a lifetime. I'm still with her.
85) Describe your looks?: Tall, broad shouldered, thick all around... imagine your average NFL defensive back and make him Hawaiian
86) If you had to completly dye your hair any color, what would it be?: lol... black, I like my hair just the way it is.
87) Would you ever date someone youger then you?: Not anymore
88) When was the last time your were drunk?: About two months ago
89) When was the last time you went on a date?: Um, pass?
90) Would you rather give or recieve oral sex?: 69
91) Have you ever given it?: Yes
92) Recieved it?: Yes
93) Have u ever had an eating disorder?: No
94) Do you have one now?: Nope
95) How many rings until you answer the phone?: How long it takes me to find the handset usually
96) Do you look more like mom or dad?: Mom
97) Do you cry a lot?: Only with the dealings of love oh, and the Little Mermaid when I was small
98) Do you ever cry to get your way?: Never
99) If you had to amputate one limb what would it be?: I could live without my left arm probably
100) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: Um
101) Are you the romantic type?: Very much so
102) Have you been chased by cops?: I'm not sure, I was going almost 90mph at night trying to get to a job site to do system installations and I was running late, I knew there were blue lights behind but I have no idea where they went and no, I didn't stop
103) What do youl like most about your body?: My hands, soft but strong
104) Wat do you like least about your body?: The fact that my hip is messed the f up
105) When was the last time you threw up?: A few years ago, food poisoning in the cafeteria
106) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Definitely brown hair
107) What did the last shoes you wore look like?: Black Vans skate shoes... I love the support and they're cool for company dresscode, everyone else wears Payless Shoes black generic whateveryoucallthems
108) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: lol......... no
109)What about cleavage?: < reads e-mail > Safe and natural way to increase your bust... um no?
110) Is your best friend a virgin?: Nope
111) What color are your toenails right now?: Same color they are every day
112) What theme does your room have?: Plain white with sexy computer tones and keyboard/mouse highlights
113) What size shoe do your wear?: 13 - 14 depending on vendor
114) What is your screenname?: RnC0105 or tyler755 everywhere else
115) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: Boxerbriefs are hard to get wedgie'ed
116) How are you feeling right now?: Great
117) When was the last time you were at a party?: Four months ago
118) Have you ever given a lap dance?: lmao, no
119) What do you sleep in?: Wow, some private questions here huh?
120) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Yeah
121) What is one of your bad qualities?: I tend to defend my positions like the Iraqi insurgents
122) What is one of your good qualities?: I'm funny but it's really dependent on the situation
123) Would you marry for money?: Only if it were a ridiculous amount, I'd make sure there was no pre-nup then I'd divorce her and run with half to marry my true love, Daisie.
124) What do you drive?: 2004 Oldsmobile Alero GT
125) Have you ever hooked up with someone?: Um... isn't "hookin up" = "dating"?
126) Are you a mammas or daddys girl?: Daddy was never there for me so if I had to be, mama's.
127) When was the last time you cried in skool?: When my grandpa died in 2002
128) Do you wear chucks?: Wtf?
129) For 2 million dollars, would you pose for playboy?: lol, sure
130) What time did you finish this?: 436pm HST
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About Me
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I'm very expressive in the things I write though I tend to miss opportunities in real life to spill my guts. I bet you'll learn a lot about me just perusing the daily entries... I plan on getting back into the Xanga groove starting today!


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